all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i believe in u and ur pee
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
