I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
