Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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