either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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