if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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