Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
