Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
