does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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