I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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