I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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