We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
