Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
