what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
