hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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