I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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