I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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