Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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