it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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