I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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