I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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