last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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