So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
