I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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