took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
