Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize