If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
