i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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