I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
