It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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