Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
