I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
