this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
