Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
