When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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