me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I want is dick and wine.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
