If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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