paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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