distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
