everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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