I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
