my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
