drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
