All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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