If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
