it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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