Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
