This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
