walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize