Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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