that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
