areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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