Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
