She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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