You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
