Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
