I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize