Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
