oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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