I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
