there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
