She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize