i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
