I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
