I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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