Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
