woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
