I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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