he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
