I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
