that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize